


Je Ne Regrette Rien (I regret nothing)

by dragonsreddoor



Category: Game of Thrones (TV), Game of Thrones RPF
Genre: Edinburgh, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Infidelity, London, Semi-Public Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23258500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonsreddoor/pseuds/dragonsreddoor
Summary: Emilia and Kit during the cancellation of The Seagull and the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic.
Relationships: Emilia Clarke/Kit Harington
Comments: 87
Kudos: 167





	1. Dazed

**Author's Note:**

> Kimilia haters look away!

“The play is cancelled.”

  
Emilia could not believe her ears. “Jamie there must be a mistake. The play starts in an hour. Some people are already arriving at the theatre. We can’t cancel it now.”

  
“Jamie she’s right,” Tamzin agreed. “We’ve worked so hard for this.”

  
“It’s on BBC now.” Jamie handed his phone to Tom.

  
“Coronavirus: West End shuts down as Boris Johnson’s advice sparks anger,” Tom reads loudly. “Theatres in London’s West End and around the UK have shut after PM Boris Johnson advised people to avoid such venues as coronavirus spreads.” [1]

  
“He advised people to avoid the theatre? He _advised_?” Emilia was furious. She knew the implications of what the prime minister had done to the industry. “He’s not forcing the venues to close but they obviously still have to because he told the public to stay away. He’s not giving the industry financial protection. Production insurance won’t apply. Producers will go bankrupt and thousands will lose their jobs! This is ridiculous. _He_ is being ridiculous. He’s the prime minister. The people voted for him. He should make up his mind and make the right decisions. He’s putting everyone at risk! _Excellent. Lovely_.”

  
“There must be something we can do Jamie,” Indira spoke softly.

  
Jamie looked defeated. “I’m sorry Indy. I wanted this play to go on as much as you all do. I tried to reason with the people in charge of the theatre but we can’t fight the government and we can’t fight this virus. They have to close down.”

  
Emilia slumped in her chair. All the strength she had earlier left her. She felt hollow. _I wanted to make you proud Dad_ , she thought. She looked around and saw her father in every corner of the theatre. This had been her dream – her West End debut. She had poured her heart and soul for this role to the point that she even made a special notebook filled with her script and notes which she brought everywhere with her. She knew her lines by heart. She had always been taught never to think that she’s had it the worst but she couldn’t help it. _Am I just this unlucky?_ She thought to herself.

  
A deafening silence filled the theatre for a long time until Daniel broke it. “So do we have no choice but to go home then?” He asked.

  
Jamie sighed, “Yes I guess we all need to go home now.”

  
Emilia felt like she was going on autopilot when she got her phone out and called her driver to pick her up. A few minutes later her driver arrived. She walked in a daze to her car, still not being able to process her emotions.

  
She reached her house not really knowing how she got there. She closed her door and felt a furry figure on her foot. It was her dog, Ted.

  
“Hey Teddy,” she smiled and scooped him up in her arms. She climbed up the stairs and reached her room where she took her makeup off and drew herself a bath. Her body seemed to be doing this out of habit. Her mind was completely blank. An hour later, to her surprise, she had ended up in her bed with pajamas on. Ted was beside her.

  
She petted Ted while checking the time. It was still 7:30 pm, too early for her to sleep. She felt lost as if she was supposed to be somewhere else. _Doesn’t my play start at this time?_ She thought to herself. Then it hit her. Waves of emotion crashed over her as she remembered what happened earlier.

  
Her play was cancelled.

  
Emilia felt tears streaming down her face. Ted went nearer to stare at her. His face looked as if he were asking, “Why are you sad mum?” She hugged him tight to her chest and allowed herself to cry as Ted tried to lick her tears to sleep.

  
______________

Emilia woke up at dawn with her phone ringing.

  
“Hello?”

  
“Emilia? It’s Indy.”

  
“Indy? It’s 5 in the morning. Why are you calling?”

  
“Emilia you have to get yourself tested.”

  
“Indy what are you talking about? Tested for what?”

  
“You have to get yourself tested for the coronavirus. All of the cast have to get themselves tested.”

  
“Indy-”

  
“I have it Emilia. My doctor called me a few minutes ago. I’ve been under the weather for a couple of days and I was tested. It came out positive.”

  
Emilia felt herself stiffen. “Indy are you okay?”

  
There was a pause in the line. “I’m in bed with it but I think I can pull through,” Indy said quietly.

  
“Alright I- I’ll get tested.” Emilia stuttered. “Take care of yourself there Indy.”

  
“I will. I have to go and call the others okay? Bye Em. ” The line went dead.

  
Emilia sat on her bed in shock. Ted came near her and she petted him absently.

  
_If I have the virus what will happen to me?_ She asked herself. She had two brain aneurysms. She’d been in the brink of death two times. She even actually died for a minute the second time. She wasn’t sure if this could make things worse for her but she heard how it affected people with underlying conditions like diabetes, hypertension and cardiovascular diseases badly. She might be part of the at risk group. _Will this be what finally kills me?_ She felt fear creep into her. _I don’t want to die yet. There’s still so much to do._ She was on a verge of a panic attack. She needed to talk to someone. She wanted to call her mum but she knew her mum would hop on a car and come to her house the minute she hears what happened to Indira. She doesn’t want her mum exposed to this virus. She could call Ben but she also knew her brother would rush to her house too. Gommie was still peacefully trekking and writing poems in the country and Lola was spending time with her family. She didn’t want to disturb them. There was one more person she could trust. The person she had been calling for years no matter what country they were in. One of the few people who could understand her and went through similar things she did. They haven’t talked for weeks after the argument but fights never really stopped them from desperately missing each other in the end. Neither did his marriage. She looked for his name in her contacts and found it.

  
_Kitten._

  
Emilia knew Kit wasn’t a morning person. He used to get grumpy in the mornings when she’d annoy him with selfies and tried to touch his hair in their makeup trailer. But he would never put down a call from her. At least, the Kit she knew wouldn’t. She hoped – as she did all the time they fought – that this time it would still be the same.

  
She pressed the call button and waited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry guys we'll see Kit in the next chapter!
> 
> Reference:  
> [1] BBC. (2020). Coronavirus: West End shuts down as Boris Johnson's advice sparks anger.https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-51906370


	2. Tell Me Something Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emilia calls Kit and finds comfort in him while they reminisce on things of the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, Kimilia haters look away!

Kit hated mornings.

He hated having to tell himself to get out of bed and start his day. But since his stint in the wellness center, he had tried his best to turn his life around and that included waking up early for a run. He didn’t like staying inside the flat anyway. He avoided his wife and his in-laws as much as he could. There had been a time when he would’ve been able to enjoy their company, but since he had realized they had relegated him more like a cash register and a pr machine rather than an actual part of the family, not to mention Kit hated their politics, he couldn’t stand being around them anymore. Once or twice, his wife would drag him to places she wanted to go, like a cheese shop, and he would oblige because he did marry her didn’t he?

 _I had loved her once_ , he thought to himself. Once - when things were simpler. But Hollywood was a complicated maze full of lies and power moves. People lose themselves along the way. Besides, he never really could let go of _her_.

His phone rang. On cue, she had called.

 _Clarke_.

He knew this would happen. No argument or any other obstacle could stop them from talking to each other. One of them would give in and call the other and everything would be back to normal. It was one of those masochistic habits they picked up from filming Game of Thrones for ten years. At this point, he didn’t even know why they tried to keep themselves apart in the first place.

He stopped running and went to a nearby tree for some shade. He was far away from the flat now, he noticed. Not that it bothered him. He had made it his daily mission to tour around Edinburgh alone anyway.

He answered the call. “Hello? Clarke?”

He heard crying at the end of the line. Kit grew worried. “Emilia, are you alright?”

“Where are you? Are you alone? Can you facetime me? Pl- please can we talk? Can I see your face? I need- I need someone to talk to. I’m so sorry we fought. I’m so sorry. I just- I just need- I’m so sorry for-”

“Shhhhh it’s alright. I went outside for a run. I’m alone. I’ll facetime you hang on.”

He sat down under the tree and there she was in his tiny phone screen. Her face was tear stained and she was still in bed with her pajamas on. Ted was trying to catch her attention in the background. Seeing her like this made Kit want to run all the way back to Islington to wrap his arms around her. He waited for her to talk first but she seemed to have a hard time starting the conversation through her tears. It wasn’t like her to be like this. He decided to start it himself.

“I heard about your play.”

“Did you?” She managed to choke out. “I’m quite the unlucky one right now, aren’t I?” She tried to smile. Typical of Emilia to smile through her pain.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t call you the minute I found out. I didn’t really know what to say or how to talk to you after our fight. I know you worked so hard for that play. You really are unlucky.” Kit chuckled. “Your West End debut got cut short because of a pandemic. I mean would you look at that. Of all the things that could happen to you Clarke, it’s always the most unusual.”

Emilia laughed. She always laughed at anything he said. He never thought of himself as a funny person, in fact quite the opposite, but she’d always make him feel like he was the funniest comedian in the world. Kit made his usual scrunched up face at her to make her laugh more. She did. He knew her well.

“If only I could go back there and hear you laugh like that personally,” he sighed. “You know what Clarke, maybe I will. I’ll take a train there right now. I hate it here. You know how much I love London.” He knew that he was being impulsive but he didn’t care.

Emilia’s smile faded. “Don’t come back here just yet,” she said softly. “And don’t go to subways or any other place full of people either. The coronavirus cases are rising rapidly here in the UK remember?”

Kit fell silent. She was right. “I’m not going to argue with you but-”

“Kit?” She interrupted him.

“Yes?”

“Indira has it.”

“Indira has what?”

“Indira has the virus. She called me about an hour ago. She tested positive for the coronavirus.”

“What? Emilia-”

“I might have it Kit. I might be sick too. I’m scared. So please don’t come here yet. I have to get tested first. I have to know.”

Kit was stunned. _No_ , he thought. _Not her. Anyone but her._ She’s been through enough. She’s cheated death twice already. She can’t go through this again. The silence between them lasted for minutes. He looked at the face he knew so well. She stared back at him looking almost apologetic. After a while he willed himself to speak.

“So when are you getting tested?”

“Definitely today. I’ll ask Indy about it.”

“Does your mum know?”

“Not yet. I’m too scared to tell her. I know she’ll run up here the moment she hears.”

“How about your brother?”

“Hey Kit?” She smiled at him all of a sudden, ignoring his question. “Tell me something good.”

Kit couldn't help but smile back. This had been something they picked up from a movie of hers years ago. Emilia had texted it to him one night while he was in Belfast and she was in Spain. It had become a thing for them ever since. Every time things would get too sad or too serious, one of them would always break the tension by saying _tell me something good_.

He did the first thing that came to his head. He sang.

_Non, rien de rien_

_Non, je ne regrette rien_

Emilia burst into laughter. “What are you doing?”

“I’m singing.”

“You’re horrible!”

He put his hand in his heart and acted hurt. “I don’t think I’m that bad. I sang in a movie once and I was in a bathtub!”

“And does that make it any better?” Emilia was clutching her stomach unable to stop herself from cracking up.

“Well, no but-”

“What were you singing anyway?”

“Non je ne regrette rien by Edith Piaf. Don’t you remember in that souvenir shop in Iceland? What was it called?”

“Idontspeakicelandic,” she replied.

“Yeah that funny shop with Viking cut outs outside which you forced me to take a picture with by the way. I looked like an idiot and you posted it too. Thanks for that.”

She giggled. “I remember that song was playing in the background and you were trying to sing it to me with your very bad french.”

“Bad french? I would have you know my uncle was a french diplomat.” He said in fake indignation.

“And I would also have you know that my french is rubbish sir,” she countered.

They both burst into laughter.

Kit looked at his screen at the woman laughing, her eyes almost disappearing from her face. He was transported back to another time. To another magical place in Iceland – the Seljalandsfoss waterfall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for an Iceland flashback.


	3. The Waterfall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An Iceland flashback inspired by a facebook post of a tourist meeting Kit and Emilia at Seljalandsfoss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the last time I'm saying this, Kimilia haters look away! Also antis I see you. Stay pressed over a fanfiction. Readers, enjoy!

January 29, 2018 Iceland

_This could be the very minute_

_I'm aware I'm alive_

_All these places feel like home_

They were singing their hearts out inside the car. Kit stopped to spare a glance at the road while driving. Emilia continued on singing happily. She looked like a giddy child given freedom for the first time with her eyes closed while she sang, making drums out of her hands and thighs.

_This is the straw, final straw in the_

_Roof of my mouth as I lie to you_

_Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean_

_I didn't enjoy it at the time_

How ironic, she thought to herself. Here she was on a rental car with an engaged man on their way to a waterfall in Iceland and they were singing a song about a man apologizing for an affair. In their defense, both of them did love Snow Patrol.

"Are we there yet?" She shouted through the music.

"This is the fifth time you've asked me that in our trip!" Kit said grumpily.

"But," Emilia smiled mischievously. " _Are_ we there yet?"

Kit stopped the car. "Get out."

"What?"

Kit's face was blank. "I said get out."

"Are you serious? I was joking Kit!"

"Get out because we're here Clarke." Kit burst out laughing. "You really thought I would tell you to get out in the middle of nowhere? That's hilarious."

Emilia tried to hit him playfully. "You're a prick you know that. For a while there I actually believed you were angry with me."

Kit put his arm around her and drew her close. She could smell his perfume. People say that smell triggers memories but right now no memory sprung to her mind. Emilia only felt like she was being enveloped in a cloud of contentment. Here in his arms, she felt safe. _Maybe home isn't just a place_ , she thought to herself, _it could be a person too_.

Kit buried his face in her hair. "I'm never angry with you," he whispered.

She rolled her eyes. All they do was fight and make up. "Liar," she muttered to herself. They walked on and took in the view.

Seljalandsfoss was a majestic sight. For a while, Emilia truly felt like she was seeing Jon and Daenerys' story come to life before filming had even started. _This is what I'll remember_ , she told herself. Not the impending doom of their romance, but _this_.

"Kit it's beautiful," she gasped.

Emilia looked at the place in awe and Kit couldn't help steal a glance at her while he was admiring the scenery himself. Her blue green eyes were shining in excitement. _She_ looked beautiful. He wanted to capture this moment forever. He took out his camera and snapped a picture while she wasn't paying attention.

"Hey!" Emilia looked at him and frowned. "I wasn't ready yet." She tried to steal his camera from him while he continued to take candid photos of her laughing.

"Excuse me? Are you Jon Snow?"

Kit turned and saw three girls gawking at them. He smiled sheepishly, "Yes- yes I'm Jon Snow."

"Oh my God and is that Khaleesi?" One of the girls shrieked. "Can we please ask for a picture?"

Emilia and Kit looked at each other. "I'm sorry," Kit apologized. "We're going to have to refuse pictures for now."

"We're so sorry but maybe we can have a quick chat?" Emilia blurted. Times like these Kit couldn't help but love her more. She would constantly get guilty over not being able to make her fans happy. She was just exceptionally kind. The type of person who would buy you coffee just because she stepped on your foot. She reminded him a lot of himself. He remembered how he bought a fan a drink once just because he got so guilty not being able to be in high spirits when the girl first met him. Fitting how their characters' parallels seem to mirror their own. Kit was a hopeless romantic so he believed in the concept of soulmates. And for a while now, he just knew deep in his heart she was his. _Pathetic_ , he thought to himself. Here he was in Iceland, thinking of his best friend as his soulmate while he was engaged to another woman. He brought himself back to reality. He didn't want to think of that. _This guilt will be for another time_. 

"Are you all tourists?" Emilia asked them.

"Yes! We're part of that tour group right there." The brunette girl replied. "I just want to say me and my friends are huge fans of your show and your characters. We're so excited for the final season."

Emilia beamed. "Awwwww thanks."

"I think your tour group is going farther now," Kit pointed out. "I think you have to rejoin them."

The girl with the blue jacket looked at their tour group. "Oh no let's go guys they might leave us. Thank you so much for the chat!"

"You're welcome. It was nice meeting you," Emilia replied.

The three girls left. Emilia and Kit could hear them saying how today was the best day of their lives and that they couldn't wait to tell their other friends that they met Emilia Clarke and Kit Harington in Iceland as they walked away. Emilia couldn't help but smile. She loved making other people happy.

"Emilia let's go there." Kit pointed to a higher snowy slope with some rope devoid of people. The weak sun seemed to hit the place right. Emilia figured Kit wanted to capture the scenery with his camera. They both hiked up until they reached the spot.

Standing in the slope made them see the waterfall at a better angle. Emilia hugged Kit and placed her hand in his chest. He drew her closer to him again and looked at the vast expanse of snow. The past few years had been nothing but chaotic for him. He had made the worst decisions that could've cost him his career and the people he had loved the most. He had succumbed to addictions and fleeting one night stands. He hated himself. He hated how he was making his mum worry and his dad disappointed. He hated how he had to call his brother to pick him up in places he doesn't even remember going to. He hated some of the company he kept. Most of all, he hated how he felt like he could never deserve her - Emilia. And yet, for the first time in years, he felt he could. He felt like he did. 

He felt at peace.

Emilia took out her phone and took a picture of the waterfall. "Can you take a picture of me with that in the background?" She asked him. He got out his camera while she positioned herself. He was adjusting something while Emilia waited. She loved looking at him engrossed with his photography. She had suggested he make an instagram account once, just for his photos so that the world could see it, but he answered her with a blunt no. He had explained that this hobby of his was something he wanted to keep for himself. Besides, he had said cheekily, people would see how much time we spend together if I do that.

Kit finally got the settings right and gestured for Emilia to move a bit to the side. She complied and he was about to take a picture when he noticed something. He went near her and lifted her beanie to tuck her hair right. She looked up at him smiling and kissed him.

The kiss was soft at first but it quickly turned passionate. Emilia moaned and held on to the lapels of his coat for support. She was already starting to get light headed. Kit was holding her by the waist kissing her with hunger in his eyes. Then she felt his tongue.

"Kit!" She pulled away laughing trying to slap him playfully. "Behave, we're in public."

"Right now I honestly don't care." Kit tried to pull her close again. She felt a bulge.

Emilia pushed him away. "You pervert! Down boy. Take my picture."

Kit made his grumpy disappointed face. He looked like a scorned puppy. Emilia couldn't help but laugh.

Kit got his camera and snapped a photo. He loved collecting candid pictures of her just laughing or making her eyebrows do weird gymnastics. He liked to look back at those photos. It felt more alive to him than the stoic formal ones.

"Take a proper one of me!" Emilia told him. She posed and he took the photo. Then he did quick snapshots of the scenery with emphasis of the techniques his photographer friends have told him through the years. Emilia went to his side and tried to annoy him with a selfie. He ducked avoiding her camera and they did their usual cat and mouse. Finally they ended up throwing snowballs to each other like children. Emilia was holding her side laughing at the stupidity and immaturity of everything while Kit was trying to gather up more snow.

She felt like all was right in the world for once. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That song in the first part was Chocolate by Snow Patrol. Lots of easter eggs in my entire story too. If you know, you know.
> 
> Also, more of the Iceland flashback in the next chapter! I have given in to wishes and have decided to write my first ever smut. Good luck to me and you hahaha


	4. Desperation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of the Iceland flashback. Tensions rise between Kit and Emilia as they try to discuss their issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a while. I had to be in the right state of mind to write it because things were rather intense. I'm quite worried about it. I'm not sure I really did them justice here but I tried my best with what I can manage. 
> 
> I would also like to thank everyone for the kind comments and support. This started off as a therapeutic project to pass the time during the pandemic and I wasn't expecting people to actually read it. I hope all you readers will enjoy it! May it give you a little ease of mind during these tough times in isolation. Stay healthy and stay safe.

Emilia doesn’t really know how long they’ve been trekking around the waterfall. Kit wanted to go behind it but a tour guide told him it was too dangerous during the winter and so both of them ended up staying at the edges near the prohibited zone just to feel the thrill of almost breaking the rules.

“I feel like a teenager daring myself to get in trouble in boarding school again.” Emilia leaned in one of the cave walls.

Kit laughed. “I feel so free here. I’ve never felt so light for the longest time. I’m glad we thought of this trip. I’m glad you’re with me right now, Emilia.” He looked at her. She looked back at him and gave him a small smile in return. “I’m glad I’m here with you too Kitten.”

 _Kitten_ – that pet name never failed to bring back memories of earlier and easier times. Tipsy teasings in a pub, a gentle tap in the shoulder while in the theatre, long walks around London, a dinner asking about each other’s day, secret smiles in table reads and conventions, whispers under twisted sheets in one of their shoebox sized trailers in Belfast.

“We’d been so young and carefree when you first called me by that funny little name.” He went near her and stroked her cheek with his thumb. “We’ve been through so much. Everybody and everything – even fate – tried to keep us apart but despite it all…” He trailed off hesitating to continue.

“Despite it all what? Kit?”

“I still can’t stay away from you. I don’t think I can. I don’t think I ever will and I know that you feel the same way. I know it, you know it and even our friends know it.”

“Kit-”

“I-I don’t want to marry her Emilia.”

And there it was. The thing they’ve been trying to avoid the entire trip; the thing that was driving an invisible wedge between them – his imminent marriage.

Emilia’s face quickly shifted to become stoic and cold. Kit stepped back, scared. “Then why did you propose to Rose?” Her voice had gone quiet almost fading into a whisper. Kit knew that voice. This was the voice she used when she was truly angry. Emilia was never one to shout in an argument. She would always talk to you in silent fury and her face would turn expressionless - much like the Daenerys mask she wears in the show. Her demonstration of anger or lack of it in matters like these, never failed to unnerve Kit and to be honest, terrify him. He knew how she would end this. This had happened to them plenty of times. He knew that if he didn’t act now she’d leave him alone in this waterfall and quickly find a hotel somewhere. Emilia was never one to beg despite her heartbreak.

“I already told you before. They told me it was the best thing to do. That it could help my image. I thought you understood. And I don’t hate her. I had loved her once. I cared for her. I still do. I thought it was right. I thought it was the most logical way to go.”

“Well then it sounds like you don’t have a problem here Kit,” she snapped.

“Why can’t you understand?” He whispered frustrated. “I don’t love her anymore. You know that. Not the way they still wanted, not the way I love you. I told you already, I don’t want it.”

“It doesn’t matter what you want!” She hissed. “It’s done. You’re engaged to her. Congratulations.” She started to walk away but he took her hand and pulled her back to him.

“Emilia please-”

“For once in your life _Kit Harington_ , why won’t you just grow a backbone and decide things for yourself?” Kit was speechless. “You keep telling me they told you do it, that you don’t have any other choice. You do. You always have a choice and you always end up getting yourself influenced by someone, emotionally manipulated by someone or wallowing in your own guilt and self hate by drinking and smoking yourself to an early grave.”

The things she said hit a nerve. She had never been this cruel. Kit’s temper flared. “You’re one to talk,” he near shouted. “As if you’ve never made a mistake in your entire life! As if all your decisions were right!”

“At least they were my own and I never blamed anyone but myself.”

Kit lost it. “SO WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? BREAK OFF MY ENGAGEMENT WITH ROSE AND ANNOUNCE TO THE WORLD THAT I BROKE IT BECAUSE WE’VE BEEN FUCKING AND CHEATING WITH OUR RESPECTIVE SIGNIFICANT OTHERS FOR AGES?”

The look she gave him was so unfeeling, Kit wanted to shake her. “Yes,” she whispered her voice flat.

Intense silence followed. Kit felt like he was going to go crazy with how she isolated and numbed herself. So he decided to pull her towards him and kissed her roughly.

“Kit,” she moaned trying to weakly push him away. If this continued on she’d lose control. Her body was craving for more of him but a small part of her mind was still telling her this wasn’t right. “Stop,” she tried to breathlessly say in between kisses. “Kit please-”

He stopped and stared at her. He looked so lost. “I can’t do it.” His voice broke. He was crying. “You know I can’t. I can’t leave this engagement anymore.” He pressed his lips to hers again desperately. All of Emilia’s resolve crumbled with the sight of him so broken in front of her. She kissed him back with her own tears spilling through her cheeks. ”I’m a lost cause. I’m in too deep.” He whispered frantically in between her lips. “If I do what you want, it’s going to ruin not just me, but both of us. I don’t want all you’ve worked hard for thrown out the window. I don’t want your reputation ruined. They will make you look like a villain. Especially with all the things they know about us. All the evidence they have and the mere fact that you are a woman. The world will blame you nonetheless. Rose knows this. Her family knows this. Our pr teams know this. _You_ know this. ”

“I know,” she said through tears.

“Despite everything, I’m begging you. Please don’t give up on me yet.”

Emilia knew at this point that what they’ve been doing was a repetitive toxic cycle. She knew she wasn’t thinking straight. She knew her judgement was clouded. She knew her deciding to stay for him a little longer everytime was her signing up to more pain and uncertainty. And yet, as she looked into the eyes of the broken man in front of him, she saw years of their companionship. She saw him trying to calm her down as she had a panic attack in her trailer. She saw him reassuring her that she was not going to die when one of her headaches attacked her again. She saw him holding her tight as she broke down over her father’s death. She saw him defending her from men who objectified her on the street. She saw him listening to her patiently as she ranted about her day. She saw him root for her despite her mistakes and push her to be better at her craft despite her insecurities. He was her best friend. _I was so broken. I still am._ Yet he never gave up on her. Maybe this is what love truly is, she thought to herself. Whatever is happening to both of them, whatever the circumstances, no matter how wrong she knew this was, there was one thing she was sure about and it was that she loved him no matter what.

No matter the cost.

She brought his lips to hers and tangled her fingers into his hair. They kissed passionately, their tongues intertwining. He nipped at her earlobe whispering sweet nothings and trailed down to her neck with soft kisses. She moaned as his hands found her breasts and massaged them tenderly. He was too gentle and they had too many layers of clothes between them, Emilia thought maddeningly. She wanted more of him and she wanted it fast. She doesn’t think she can take it any longer. Her hands found his zipper and pulled it down.

“Emilia,” Kit tried to talk through gritted teeth while she caressed his cock. It was cold but there was a bead of sweat dripping down from his temple. “Wait, we might get caught.”

“I don’t care.” Her pent up anger and sadness over their current situation made her reckless. “I don’t care who sees us. Let them see. Let them watch.”

“Emilia-”

“Fuck me now.”

The words she said ignited a wild fire inside Kit. He felt himself harden more as he turned her around and pulled her jeans and underwear down in one swift motion, slamming himself inside of her. She moaned loudly pushing her ass higher to meet with his hips.

“Faster, Kit faster. Fuck me harder,” she said pushing her ass more and more forcefully to match his rhythm. He complied, thrusting in her like a mad man. She was making him feel feverish.

“Emilia,” he moaned palming her breasts. “I’m going to cum.”

“Yes! Yes Kit! Yes cum with me!”

He felt the walls of her cunt pulsate around his cock as they both got lost over the ecstacy of their release. Kit knew that if there were tourists wandering around the area they were in, they’d definitely heard them scream. They weren’t trying to be quiet. As he righted his clothes and Emilia tried to finger comb her messed up hair, he knew he couldn’t care less.

 _I regret nothing_ , he thought to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peep a Game of Thrones s8 Jonerys conversation I incorporated above because their dialogue gave me more Kimilia vibes than Jonerys vibes.
> 
> We're going back to the present day next chapter. It's time for a Gommie cameo!


	5. Muffled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The drama between Kit, Emilia and Rose continues. We also get a quick look into Gommie's thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I delayed this chapter a bit because I wanted to wait for something to happen in real time. I've always liked Kimilia fanfiction with a lot of roots to reality so I try my best to be well researched before I post a chapter out too. I hope you all enjoy this one and thank you so much for the continued support!

“I tested negative.”

Kit exhaled a sigh of relief. He felt like he’d been holding his breath for two days now. Emilia started to cry on his screen.

“Hey,” he chuckled gently. “There’s no need for that.”

She laughed through her tears. “I’m happy crying! You knew how scared I was these past few days.”

He did. Everyday they’d facetime each other early in the morning before he’d go out for a run. He figured she alternated between him, her mum, her brother and the occasional call to her other best mates just to keep herself sane during the wait. During the second day she almost had a panic attack and he had to try to calm her while almost losing it himself. She worried him sick and that made him avoid his parents-in-law’s flat even more. Not that they minded. They never came looking for him and he assumed since he wasn’t going to be useful for publicity during a pandemic, they’d given him free reign.

He casually flitted through the newspaper in his bed. It’s been a hobby of his to do crosswords in the morning. He scanned through the pages and saw how countries were already doing lockdowns. This worried him. He knew sooner or later the prime minister would come to his senses and put the country on lockdown too. He’d be stuck here in Scotland.

“I’m so glad you’re fine, love. It’s been hard waiting for your results here too.” He paused. “I need to go. I have to figure something out.”

“Figure what out?”

“I’ll tell you later.” He slowly broke off into a grin. “Maybe it’s a surprise?”

Emilia rolled her eyes. “A surprise? Am I three years old?” She scoffed.

“Just give me this.”

“Why are you being mysterious all of a sudden? I just told you I’m not sick!”

“You’ll like this I promise.”

She sighed. “Alright then. Off you go. I need to call Gommie anyway. Bye love.”

He smiled. “Bye.”

Kit looked at his bag in the corner. He abruptly stood up and hurriedly started shoving all his clothes from his closet inside it.

“What are you doing?”

Kit froze. He turned and saw Rose standing by his doorway. He wasn’t expecting her to visit his room at this time. Normally she’d leave him alone this early in the morning.

“I’m- I’m packing my stuff,” he muttered unsure with how she would respond.

“Going back to London so soon?” She said with contempt. “I thought you two had a fight? Is your self-control really that bad that you can’t stand even a week with your _wife_ and her family without fucking your mistress?”

Kit’s temper flared. “Call her my mistress one more time…” He raised a fist.

“Are you going to hit me? Do it.” She challenged. “I can’t wait to tell the world about it along with how close you and perfect unproblematic Emilia Clarke really are.”

Kit exhaled and was hit with a huge amount of guilt. He put his fist down. The last thing he would do was hit his wife. He promised himself he would never be that type of man. No matter how vile she got, Kit knew Rose was right. He had married _her_ and not Emilia. What he was doing _was_ wrong. She had every right to be angry. Honestly, he didn’t know how Rose could stand it all, still being with him despite everything - despite knowing about this long standing affair. She might be staying with him for money, fame or both because it definitely doesn’t seem to be love anymore. Whatever her reason was, the point was she stayed with him even when he knew he didn’t deserve it. That counts for something right? She was still standing by her vows. She didn’t divorce him. Divorce frightened Kit the way any amount of change did. He was a sentimental man and liked familiar things which may be why he had trouble letting go of Game of Thrones and his Jon Snow character. The possibility of spending life alone also terrified him. He had Emilia and he loved her more than anything and knew she loved him back but for now they were uncertain. _She had left you once. She won’t hesitate to do it again especially now that you’re such a mess._ This uncertainty scared Kit. He liked things simple – uncomplicated. _Yet you ended up in an affair_ , he told himself. _Terrific job Kit_.

He tried to keep his voice calm. “I have to go to London and see her. She wasn’t in a good place after her play got cancelled and she had a coronavirus scare. I know you know these things happened to her. I know you check the internet a lot. I _need_ to be there. I’m so sorry but I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Maybe I can buy you those tennis shoes you liked or we can also go to that little café in Suffolk that you kept telling me about? You can get some pictures if you want.”

The look on her face softened. “Fine, you can leave. I’ll be the one to tell my family about it,” she sighed. “I’ll call you when I want to go to Suffolk.”

He nodded, grateful that she backed down. She was walking to his door when she said, “and Kit? Send Emilia my love. We are _best friends_ after all.” She smirked and left.

Kit ignored her. Talking back would solve nothing. He went back to packing his stuff and finding his car keys. Then he packed a bit of snacks along the way. It was going to be a long drive.

_______________________________

Gommie wanted to dig a very deep hole in the ground and hide there forever. Maybe he’ll let Ted help with the digging too and they’ll both hide in that hole. God knows what that poor puppy had seen and heard.

 _This guy’s been here for barely a day and he’s already making me lose some sleep,_ he thought glumly. _If they do this every night, I swear I’m finding another place to crash. Social distancing be damned._

He arrived earlier that evening while Gommie was working on his art. He found it weird that Emilia didn’t come back to his room after answering the door. She told him then that the food she ordered might’ve arrived already and he was starting to get hungry. He went out to check when he heard a very familiar man’s voice inside the house – _Kit Harington_. He quickly hid behind a wall.

“She told me to send you her love,” Gommie heard Kit say.

“Send her love? Isn’t your wife sweet?” Emilia said sarcastically.

“Not tonight Clarke,” Kit said warily. “I drove half a day to get here. I don’t have the energy to argue right now.”

“I’m joking Kitten. I’m glad you’re here.”

Gommie wanted to barf. It was one thing to know that your best mate was having an affair but it was another thing to hear them say lovey dovey things to each other and call each other pet names. He walked backwards attempting to go back to his room quietly but his clumsiness got the best of him and he bumped his hip on a nearby table alerting them to his presence.

“Gommie, I didn’t see you there,” Emilia said shocked.

 _Ah fuck_.

“S-sorry Emilia,” he stuttered. “I wondered why you took so long so I went out to check. I was getting hungry.”

“Oh I arrived the same time the delivery man did so I offered to carry the food up,” Kit smiled at him. “I placed it in the kitchen if you want to eat.”

He was friendly at least. Gommie gave him that. “Ah thanks mate. I’ll just head to the kitchen and catch a quick bite,” he said feeling more and more awkward being in the living room with the two of them. It wasn’t the first time he met Kit. In fact, he’s met him plenty of times before hanging out with Emilia through the years. Safe to say him and Kit were more like polite acquaintances. He’s not really sure they can ever be friends though. It wasn’t that he judged them with what they were doing or hated him in any way. There’s just something really uncomfortable being friends with the guy your best mate rants to you about and makes forbidden love to.

He remembered the day Emilia told him about her affair. He was surprised that she had the guts to do it in the first place. He knew about their past and how they had something going on before he and Rose Leslie were together and during the times they were on a break but he never thought Emilia would actually continue it after the marriage. _She must really love this man_ , he had thought at that time, _to go this far_.

“You’re judging me aren’t you?” She had asked him sadly. “I told David earlier and he gave me a lecture.”

“No I’m not. I’m actually amazed Brillow! Since when were _you_ such a rule breaker? What happened to goody two shoes Emilia? You’ve got a naughty side after all.”

She had playfully slapped his leg. “That’s not fair! I broke rules in school too.”

“Emilia that was school. Everybody breaks rules in school.”

“I drink and party,” she had insisted. “I’ve tried some drugs when we were young and I make dirty jokes!”

“Really?” Gommie had laughed. “You’re really throwing _that_ out there?”

“Alright,” she had said defeated. “I admit I’m not really the type of girl who would get into affairs and we knew it would cause problems. But it’s like a runaway train. We can’t stop it from happening-”

Gommie interrupted her. “Millie you don’t have to convince me or anything. Look, what you’re doing is going to give you a lot of shit. Especially if both of you get caught. But I’ve known you long enough to realize long ago that no matter how many times the world says you can’t do it, you find a way to do it and do it spectacularly anyway. I’ll just be here to be your friend and support whatever shit happens because I’m sure there will be.”

Emilia made her usual pouty face at him. “Sometimes I don’t think I deserve you as my best mate.”

“Oh shut up and don’t get sentimental on me,” Gommie scoffed. “Think of it this way. Now you’re finally a full fledged Hollywood figure.” He dramatically waved his hands around.

“What does that mean?”

“Listen. Now you’re Emilia Clarke, the woman who played Daenerys Targaryen, the slayer of lizards-”

“The Mother of Dragons Gommie-“

“Whatever. Four time Emmy nominated, winner of the Britannia award, survivor of two brain aneurysms, founder of SameYou and your production company…”

“Babe, please you’re embarrassing me. I think you can stop now.” Emilia was turning red. Gommie ignored her and continued on.

“…and also had an affair with her cast mate Kit Harington, the husband of the woman she calls her best friend on live television, Rose Leslie.”

Emilia had tried to cover her ears. “Oh my God that sounds horrible when you say it like that!”

“It makes for good Hollywood drama,” he had reasoned. “Now you could be like Angelina Jolie or Elizabeth Taylor.”

“ _I hate you_ ,” she had said trying not to laugh. “I take it all back. I do deserve you as my best mate.”

A loud moan brought Gommie back to the present. He checked his phone for the time and groaned. It was 2 am.

_Why on earth are they having sex near my room at 2 am? This house isn’t big enough for them?_

Gommie knew his room was near Emilia’s bar and they might have snuck in there for some naughty fun. And this was her house. She could do as she pleases. But still-

He jumped as he heard a slap and the nearby wall getting pounded. The moans from both of them were getting louder and Gommie fought the urge to barge out of his room and instead tried to muffle their noises with two pillows.

 _I’m definitely calling both of them out in breakfast tomorrow. I don’t care how embarrassing it is. I need my sleep._ He thought to himself grumpily.

_______________________________

In Edinburgh, Rose was browsing around for pictures of her husband. She found what she was looking for - his photo with the woman called Lily Collins. _Sometimes her husband could be quite dense_ , she thought to herself. The phrase “you know nothing” did fit him in some way. She saved it and sent it to her publicist.

 _Your move, Emilia_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you well have noticed, I may have given a bit of justification for Rose in Kit's perspective and put Kit and Emilia in a much more gray area. I find it more believable to present the unspoken competition between Rose and Emilia and Kit's guilt and insecurities. I understand that some people who read this fic want to put Rose in an entirely bad light and Kit and Emilia in an entirely good one. If that's what you want to read, this fic isn't for you I'm sorry. As I said in my beginning notes, I've always liked the fics with a huge amount of realism in it and I don't think it would be realistic if we just look at the three of them in a black or white situation. Everybody is at fault here. Like asoiaf, I will try to make my characters as flawed and as human as possible.
> 
> Also if you look closely, I placed a small tidbit from something Kit said in a s7 commentary. Comment down below if you know what it is. Stay safe and healthy everyone!


	6. In Another Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In an affair between two people constantly watched by the world, there's never really a forever bliss. Sadly, this is something Kit and Emilia have gotten used to.
> 
> Feat. a bit of Gommie to lighten things up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend playing The One That Got Away by Katy Perry for the second part of the chapter for more feels. It was the song constantly playing in my head when I wrote that part so I guess I could call it a small inspiration. Also I made a minute change in the last chapter. Rose sent the photo to "her publicist" not "his publicist." Sorry for that.
> 
> So far this has been the longest chapter I wrote. I'm not really sure how I lost control and wrote more words than I expected there. I hope you all enjoy this! Stay safe.
> 
> Edit: I added a gorgeous moodboard made by my good friend @joneryswhore.

Kit had been pacing in her room for what seemed like an hour before Emilia found the courage to tell him to stop.

“Kit it’s just a tabloid. People don’t really believe those things. And don’t worry. I told you earlier. I can make this right.” She tried to reassure him.

“ _No._ I always end up dragging you into this. This is what she does all the time and I always fall for it Emilia. I always _fucking_ fall for it. I’m so stupid to think she wouldn’t do something like this after I left. She always does. And the people will believe it no matter how many times I beg Marianna to tell the press to shut up. Let’s be honest here, even if it’s just a tabloid, it has merit. I can’t even count the number of girls I’ve had one night stands with around the world in my twenties. I bet they’ve told friends they once slept with Jon Snow. Maybe even posted about it on social media. I’ve cheated left and right, sober or not. I’ve had history. People have seen me trying to pick a fight drunk on their computer screens. Some read about that Russian scandal I’ve had. People definitely know I’ve been to a wellness center. Why would it be so far off for me to cheat on my wife with Lily Collins? It’s what I do best isn’t it? I’m even here having an affair with _you_.”

Emilia would not hear of it. “ _Stop it_. Here we go again. Stop blaming yourself.”

“But I should blame myself. _I’m_ her cheater husband remember?” Emilia felt herself flinch at that. “I should know these things. I should’ve struck a better bargain or maybe I should never have left. She has the right to punish me with attacks on my image. But I can’t stand her randomly attacking Lily who is innocent and I definitely can’t stand her attacking you.”

“Kit, this affair is much as my fault as it is yours. I’ve told you this so many times. And she’s not attacking me-“

“Look at how this article is worded Emilia. She’s indirectly insulting you.” Kit slumped into the bed looking defeated. “We’ve been doing this for years. I don’t know why you still have the patience. If you leave me again I really won’t blame you and I won’t be angry. Or maybe I should just leave and go back to Scotland to apologize. Me and Rose, we’re a mess. Her family is a mess. I’m a mess. You shouldn’t be a part of this. You’re too good for me.”

Emilia knelt down and caressed his face. “Love, look at me. I love you.” Kit tried to speak but she shushed him and squeezed his hand. “We’ve talked about this in the wellness center remember? Trust me. I’m not leaving you again. We’re all in this together and I will fix this.”

“Emilia-”

She smiled and touched his hair gently. “You’ve always teased me for being competitive and it’s true. I’ve done it before and I could do it again. I’m more familiar to this pr game and I have more chess pieces to play with now. I know you don’t like it but you have to admit it’s unavoidable in our profession. Besides, it is quite ironic that you were sat beside Lily, the girlfriend of _my_ ex. It makes for good drama.”

Kit laughed softly. “I did find it quite funny at first,” he admitted.

“What did you think of her?”

“She was fun. She tolerated me showing her photographs I took for quite a while. That counts as something at least. Haven’t you met her before?”

“We chatted in an event once. Charlie really seems to be collecting all the pretty white brunettes in Hollywood don’t you think?” She asked casually.

“Yeah…she was pretty.”

“Oh?”

“Well to be honest, she looked a lot like you.”

“Hmmm really? _Excellent. Lovely_.” Emilia then stood up and started arranging her laundry leaving Kit sitting in the bed looking confused.

“Emilia? Did I say something wrong?”

She looked at him and crossed her arms in frustration. Kit can truly be dense sometimes. “No love. You said absolutely _nothing_ wrong.”

Kit looked like a lost child for a while until his face seemed to comprehend what was happening. He stood up and scooped up her waist with a funny grin on his face. He held her close and whispered in her ear, “Are you jealous?”

Emilia giggled. “Maybe I am,” she challenged.

“Why would you be jealous?” Kit started planting soft kisses to her neck.

“Well because…aaahhh,” she moaned as his hand slipped inside her shirt somehow and was now playing with her right nipple. Maybe it was a good thing she decided to go braless today. “You didn’t answer my question love. Why would you be jealous?” He continued teasing her nipples while whispering in her ear.

“I-I don’t know,” she gasped. She couldn’t really think anymore. Between the kisses and the sensation in her nipples everything was getting too much.

“You don’t know?” She felt his hand go further down into her stomach and stopping _there_.

“Kit please-”

She felt a finger inside of her and moaned again. “I think you’re prettier you know,” he whispered in her ear, “and you’re funny.” He had now placed two fingers inside her. “I think you’re smart and talented.” She wasn’t really sure what he was actually talking about anymore. “And brave. So brave. You’re my best mate. You get me when no one else does. I don’t even know her.” She didn’t really know how long he was pleasuring her like this. Her mind was all over the place. ”When I’m with you, I feel safe.” She was so sure she was close to her limit.

“So you see darling, there’s really nothing to be jealous about.” He circled her nub and she felt something burst inside her. She screamed.

“Brillow are you alright? OH FUCK ME!”

When Emilia finally found her bearings she realized that it was a horrified Gommie standing by her doorway.

“Gommie!”

“I’m going to go…eat breakfast. I-I didn’t see anything. Pl-please go about your day.” Gommie stuttered already walking away.

Emilia looked at Kit and saw that he was on the verge of laughter. She hit him playfully and started giggling along with him.

“You dick now Gommie’s perpetually scarred!”

“Why is it my fault?” Kit asked grinning mischievously.

“I have to go see how he is.” She kissed him lightly on the cheek. “Be a good boy while I’m away. I’ll call you for breakfast after I talk to him.”

Emilia went to the kitchen. “Hey you,” she patted Gommie on the shoulder.

The look he gave her was so serious she felt like she was going to be scolded the way her brother used to tell her off during boarding school when she used to sneak around. “Don’t you hey you me, young lady. You know I was actually planning on waiting for food in our stomachs before I talk to both of you calmly but I guess you’ve done the liberties of making things worse.”

“Gom-”

“I could not sleep!” Gommie gestured his arms wildly looking almost crazed. “Both of you were _so loud_. Why you guys were doing it near _my_ room at _that_ hour, I don’t even want to know. And now, early in the morning, I hear a scream and I rush to your room thinking something bad must’ve happened and then I end up seeing you almost naked with that man. I have _no words_.”

Emilia was looking at the ground trying so hard not to laugh. She wanted to feel guilty for this, she really did, but she also found the entire ordeal comical.

Gommie ranted on. “Look, both of you can have all the sex you want, but for the love of all things holy, please don’t let your poor childhood best mate Gommie hear or see it! Observe closed doors and distance. Or do you actually _like_ to be watched? Is this some sort of kink both of you share? Am I going to be in some sort of weird visual threesome here? Because I don’t think I’m up for that! It feels incestous too.”

That did it for Emilia. She broke into a fit of laughter.

“Oh you think this is funny huh?” Gommie was trying to keep a stern face but Emilia could see that he was already trying to stop himself from smiling too realizing what he said was absurd. “You’re not gonna be laughing when I pack up my things and leave!”

Emilia hugged him. “Awwwww don’t be like that. What about that recipe we wanted to try? And who will listen to my bad poetry now?”

“Let the married man do it.”

She pouted. “You’re really hitting below the belt today.”

“You had sex in front of me.”

“Fair point.” Emilia held her hand up. “Okay new agreement. We keep things discreet and you stay here. Shake on it?”

Gommie rolled his eyes. “Fine,” he sighed and extended his hand.

______________________________

_Become familiar with the way_

_you purse your lips_

_then let them part,_

_just the slightest bit,_

_when I lean in your space_

_and kiss you._

Emilia’s soothing voice as she read the poem, along with her hands softly caressing his hair, would have lulled him to sleep if not for Ted constantly appearing to jump on both of them. As his head lay on her lap, Kit felt nothing but warmth in his heart. Times like these he wished could last forever, just the both of them relaxing in her sofa while she read to him.

“That was nice. What book is that again? ” Kit asked.

“It’s called The Poetry Pharmacy. If you like it I can lend it to you when you leave.”

“Who says I’m leaving when I have you right here reading it for me.”

Emilia looked at him. He noticed a melancholy look on her face. “We both know you can’t stay here forever Kitten.” She said softly and gave him a small smile.

 _She’s right_ , he thought sadly. He had immediately gotten a call from his publicist about the article yesterday. He had also called Rose and they had a nasty row. Both his publicist and his wife told him the same thing. _Stay away from Emilia Clarke_. And he knew at the end he would, because he was too much of a coward to fight back.

He looked into her eyes - the eyes that meant so much to him. Every time he’d stare into them memories would come flooding back. Nights of video calls after taping, laughing about the bad poems he wrote, along with the photographs he took in the digital postcards he would send her. The tears they had both shed when she had told him they should just remain friends after her second aneurysm. Her face full of clarity, which he knew reflected in his, years after when they realized they still loved each other. The pain in her face when he told her he had proposed to Rose and the way they couldn’t even look at each other during his wedding. Their tight grip of each others hands when they stood in the stage during the season 8 premiere, never letting go even after the applause. Her hand had been his hidden comfort during those hard times. The concern in her face when she would visit him in the wellness center. The looks they shared in the stage during Emmys 2019. Every look between them had always been a silent language of understanding. He knew they would always be in sync. _How far we’ve come_ , they’ve told each other through their eyes that night.

 _Through pain and laughter and yet we’ve persevered_ , he thought to himself. This sounded more like the concept of marriage he had believed in in his youth. He once dreamed to be married in Rome yet the woman he had shared those dreams to was not his wife. He thought of that as something only he and Emilia could share. He ended up married in a castle the family of his wife tried to sell. _How fitting_ , he thought to himself. Like our marriage, it had simply become a commodity to be sold. He had always thought of marriage as a box he needed to tick to be able to live a full life. It never occurred to him before that the moment he’d be able to check that box, the love would be gone – that he would be in love with another.

“You should call her.”

Kit snapped out of his thoughts. “What?”

“I know that look and I know how things will end. We’ve done this long enough. Call her. Talk to her and ask her to meet up with you in your Suffolk home tomorrow. Tell her you’re sorry. That’ll make her feel better and maybe she’ll stop. Call Marianna too. I know she can help with the damage control. I can call Liz and do my part here.”

“Emilia-”

“Do it Kit. You know I’m right.” She whispered. “Three days was long enough, I think.”Her voice broke at the very last word. She took his phone and placed it on his lap. He felt his eyes grow wet. _I can make this right but I refuse to_ , he thought to himself frustrated.

She caressed his cheek and he held her hand. She smiled at him and he felt the finality of their bliss as she told him, “in another life, maybe we can have more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since my fic is kind of going real time and there really isn't much content right now, I'm still at a loss on how to continue this. But I think we'll be getting more content from Emilia soon because of her instagram poetry series so I think I'll be able to get inspiration from there. I never expected myself to get this far in writing chapters. I usually never finish my writing. So again thank you so much for the support (and the 100+ kudos!). It continues to motivate me everyday.


	7. Together Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite trying to distance themselves from each other, sometimes intense emotions simply can't be helped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I finally updated this! HAHAHAHA it's been a while. I've actually already finished a longer version of this chapter during the end of May but I wanted to edit parts out and add recent developments in and with so much things happening in my country and around the world along with my own personal obligations, I couldn't really find the time or the will to do it. But it's here now. I hope you like it!
> 
> Gorgeous moodboard from my friend @joneryswhore

“I’ve truly gone a long way,” she whispers to herself one morning as she checks her Instagram page. Idris Elba, Helena Bonham Carter, Stephen Fry and Andrew Scott – people she never thought she’d be able to talk to when she was still in drama school.

Emilia recalled how she was 10 years ago - green, innocent, eager to prove herself and as a result easily taken advantage of. But her climb to the top coupled with keeping 2 aneurysms a secret for years and dealing with her father’s death had hardened her. _Never again_. She knew better now. Or did she really? _Not quite_ , she thought to herself. One thing remained unchanged: her and Kit’s complicated relationship. _Despite him being married to another too._ She sighed. She may have learned a thing or two about navigating the industry but she admits her heart remained that naïve girl she was at 23.

Funnily enough, in a way her heart’s naivety made her like everyone else in Hollywood – sinful and problematic. Although the combination of her near death experiences, the steady support of her family and her sheer will made her determined never to engage in the darkest parts of the industry, people who called her a sweetheart on the internet always made her laugh in disbelief. _Didn’t they know there are no room for sweethearts in this business_? She thought. Granted, she knew she was one of the good ones. She worked hard and gave her all in every project. She was kind to everyone else she worked with. If she had to go out of her way to bake a cast mate cookies when they were sad she’d do it gladly. She was never mean to her fans. She loved making people happy. That part of her personality she’ll never let go of. But a couple of times, she had to make cruel choices that stepped on others. She had to smile and lie to the entire world. For the benefit of her career, she learned it was necessary. _For the benefit of her heart too._

She checked her notes. Tomorrow she had planned to bake that gluten-free, vegan cake for David and his family. Maybe she would include a card along with it too.Her best mate had been down in the dumps for quite a while now and she wanted to cheer him up. _Aren’t we all though?_ She thought. She knew she herself was lonely. She just had her pap walk yesterday with her friend Mike and for a while it was nice being able to talk to someone in person again. With Gommie now in his caravan trekking around the UK once more, she was again left alone in the house with only Ted for company. Not that she hated her dog. In fact having Ted around was heaven sent. But she was a social person since birth and human interaction for her was a necessity. Sometimes zoom calls just weren’t enough. She missed her mother and brother the most. Everytime she’d see them on her screen, she had to stop herself from crying. She missed her friends. She missed the rush of her work. Not that she was just sitting idle this pandemic. No, she was never one for that. She made sure to make herself useful and help the frontliners and patients through her charity. She had her poetry series on her Instagram for other charities too. She still had her production company. But nothing could really compare to the feeling of acting on stage or a film set. Acting had kept her sane during her darkest moments. It had always been easier to pretend she was another person. Now, all she had were her own thoughts.

Also she misses Kit, although she constantly tells herself not to think about it.

True to her word on helping Kit, she had gone to Liz straight away for advice. Liz had looked at her dead in the eye in their zoom call and told her not to get involved.

“You can’t do anything for him,” Liz had chided her. “Let his publicist do her job. As for you, continue with your charade of having only Ted as your special someone right now.” And that was it. End of discussion. Emilia’s arguments fell on deaf ears.

She put down her phone and sighed again. Such was the nature of their work. The hardest acting wasn’t done in the screen but in real life. To let people know the real you was like giving them a knife they might stab you with. Give them nothing by giving them something, her friend Richard used to say.

She smiled, remembering Richard and his new lover were now staying in her LA home she had offered to him. She hoped they were enjoying themselves and Richard did call once to assure her they were keeping themselves entertained. She had joked to him then that she was his landlady now so he had better pay on time. He had just snorted on the phone and told her to not be annoying or he’ll reveal all her secrets. They had both laughed at that. They would never do that to each other. She misses Richard…and Alfie…and Finn…and _Kit_. They had been the original Game of Thrones twenties gang with new careers who never refused the party scene. Their times in the Fitzwilliam bar or in The Spaniard were always nights she’d never forget. She remembered how she felt so light and young during those moments. She misses it. Everything is so complicated now. She felt the loneliness creep in once more. _When will this lockdown end?_ She thought helplessly.

 _Maybe you should call Kit_ , her brain whispered back to her.

“No Emilia you won’t be doing that today. We promised not to do that often.” She scolded herself. She remembered how heartbreaking it was for her to tell him to leave when he had visited. But she knew keeping him in her home long would just enflame Rose to pop out more issues against him.

The first 2 weeks after Kit left they had been nothing but clingy with each other. They’d call each other everyday. Kit would lock himself in his room for hours despite his wife busying herself just outside fully aware of the affair happening in her house. If the public would find out how thick faced they’ve both become she was sure they’d be scorned. But it couldn’t be helped. She wasn’t lying in that one interview when she said they’d grow desperate and miss each other. And at the end of those 2 weeks it became pretty clear to both of them that the arrangement had turned too toxic for their liking. Emilia, always getting overwhelmed with the loneliness she would feel and always unable to end a call, would cry when Kit would say that he had to hang up. Most days he would end up spending another hour trying to comfort her. It had come to the point that she was pretty sure her constant tears made her feel physically weak. Kit, racked by the guilt he was feeling of blatantly cheating on his wife despite having some sort of open marriage agreement and the confusion of loving another woman, would feel horrible every time he had to end a call and sometimes would shed tears of his own as well. It was maddening for both of them. And so they decided to cut communication for a while and instead meet up in secret during Easter Sunday - one of their favorite holidays.

She reminisced how they had spent Easter together. It was a beautiful sunny day and Kit had driven all the way from Suffolk to Islington. He had brought along his new puppy to play with Ted. Kit had followed her advice – much to her amusement - and bought a dog to keep him entertained while on lockdown. They had both decided to meet in his house to leave Gommie alone with his art.

“What is that?” Emilia had laughed at him. They had promised to surprise each other with their own homemade Easter eggs. She had given hers first and had patterned her egg to look a bit like the dragon eggs in Game of Thrones.

“What do you mean? It’s my Easter surprise look!” Kit had held up something that Emilia was pretty sure wasn’t an egg at all.

She had crossed her arms. “Kit, do you know what an egg is? It’s like a bald head. That’s not even an egg.”

“It’s a Chocolate Frog! From Harry Potter remember? I even decorated it.” He had pointed at the colorful sprinkles he placed at the back of the frog. He looked like such a child when he said it that Emilia had to bite her tongue to keep herself from laughing.

“It’s Easter Kitten, not Harry Potter day! You’re supposed to make an egg. We promised to give each other eggs.”

His face had fallen and he had pouted. “You don’t like it?”

She had given him a soft peck in the lips and smiled. “I love it,” she had whispered.

“Speaking of bald heads,” he had murmured in her lips. “I’m tired of my hair. I might make myself bald soon.”

Emilia had given him a hard look. “If you do that I won’t talk to you for a month.”

He had chuckled and had kissed her again. “Let’s see about that,” he had said with mischievous eyes.

They had made love all day after that.

She brought herself back to the present.

_Maybe just for an hour._

“Emilia you will not do this to yourself,” she muttered scolding herself again. _Not me talking to myself_ , she thought. _I need a breath of fresh air or I’ll go crazy._ “Might as well take Ted for a walk,” she announced and began searching for her dog.

She found him playing around with one of her slippers. She grinned fondly and carried him to the place where his leash was kept.

“Let’s go have some fun Teddy,” she told him as her dog showered her with tongue kisses. Her dog truly was her greatest gift.

After a minute of her and Ted wrestling over his leash, she put on her coat and went outside.

_________________________________

Kit put the book he was reading down. He felt restless after that zoom call and just wanted to share the fun parts with someone. _Someone? Or just Emilia?_ He sighed. It’s been weeks since they’ve last spoken to each other. He’d been busying himself with daily outdoor workouts, swimming in his pool and running around with his new puppy in his country house that he’s pretty sure he’s now sporting a decent tan. He finally caught up on all the books he’s bought. Once in a while, his brother Jack and his girlfriend would visit and they would play a bit of tennis. And sometimes, whenever his wife was in a good mood, she would come back to the country house and they would have peaceful meals and civil conversations. Times like those filled him with guilt the most. It would make him think that maybe- just maybe- the marriage _could_ work. Then they’d have a small spat that would suddenly become a full blown argument which would always end up with Rose storming off back to her family leaving Kit with all guilt lost after the fight. He takes out his phone. _Maybe just for an hour_. He finds Emilia’s name and sends her a message.

_Emilia?_

He waits. A few minutes later his cellphone pings.

_Kit?_

_Zoom call?_

_What? We promised not to do that unless necessary._

_But I miss you._

He doesn’t know why but he was convinced those words would move her. So he wasn’t surprised when he saw her reply.

_Alright._

He smiled to himself imagining how she would’ve rolled her eyes and sighed while typing her reply.

He opened his laptop. Seeing her face, even if just on screen, always made him feel light. His cousin Alex had once told him in their late night talks that he would look at Emilia like she was the sun and that he talked about her almost with a soft reverence. Kit couldn’t help but silently agree. He had seen her face the prospect of death on a daily and came out stronger than ever. He had seen her never fail to help the people she loved and even people she didn’t know despite her continuous success. She had been there for him in his darkest moments as well. He was sure the amount of admiration and respect he had for her would always be obvious to everyone else and he’ll never try to control himself from showing that.

“You know what I did today?” He asked her eagerly. Their calls always start like this. No introductions. Just comfortable and direct talk as if time hadn’t really passed. He loved that it was like this between them.

“What?” She asked.

“I talked to the fans who won that zoom call auction.”

“Really? How was it?”

“It was okay. I talked to them a bit about us.”

Emilia grew alarmed. “What? Kit you know that won’t end well for us…”

“It’s alright. I only said we hang out more now and that we’re good.”

She almost facepalmed. “Kit!”

“What?!”

“Why on earth did you think that was a good idea to say?!”

“It just slipped.” He looked a bit apologetic now. “I’m sorry. It’s just that they were talking about Daenerys and I couldn’t help but mention you.”

 _I couldn’t help but mention you_. Emilia softened and sighed. He always unwittingly knew the right things to say to her. She dropped it.

“They were Daenerys fans by the way,” he told her.

Her face fell. “Oh? Were they mean to you?” She asked concerned.

“Surprisingly, no. They were really kind, they didn’t challenge me and didn’t press me on things I didn’t want to talk about. ”

She smiled at that. “See? Dany fans _are_ great.”

Kit rolled his eyes. “Yeah yeah,”he said laughing. “They told me something funny actually.”

“What was it?”

“They have this thing called shipping wars in the fandom. They said it’s like a really huge fight between two couples they wanted to end up together.”

“Oh yeah they do call that shipping. Who are the couples?”

“Well there’s Jon and Daenerys …”

She nodded. “Naturally.”

“And they call it Jonerys. That’s what the fans I was talking to were shipping.”

“Jonerys?” She said seemingly testing the name in her lips. “That a nice name. And the other ship?”

“Listen to this. It’s Jon and… _Sansa_.”

Her face morphed from shock to laughter in a span of seconds. Her eyebrows made those funny movements he always liked to tease her with. She was still gasping for air when she said, “you’re joking. But that’s weird!”

“That’s exactly what I told them!” He laughed along with her.

Their laughter died down and a long silence followed. Not the uncomfortable silence but the type of silence where they just take in each other’s presence. Emilia’s hair had grown even longer in the weeks they haven’t been talking. She had that slight crease in her forehead that he always found adorable. She was wearing her usual oversized sweater and this time it was in her favorite color yellow. Kit felt himself smile. He never understood her love for that color. She even forced him to wear yellow along with her before and despite him preferring black, after her pleadings he softened and gave in. He had felt silly that day but her smile when he came out of the room dressed in that yellow shirt was worth it.

Emilia frowns. “Why do you have that funny grin on your face all of a sudden?”

“I just remembered something about you is all.”

She raised her eyebrow. “Oh? Nothing filthy I hope?”

“Now why would I think that?”

She rolled her eyes. “Please. I swear if people knew how kinky you are…”

“You’re one to talk. You have a butt plug.”

“You have a cock ring,” she countered.

He shrugged. “Rose threw that out.”

“See? That’s what you get for marrying her.”

They looked at each other and broke into laughter once more. _Why_ _is it just so easy with you?_ He asked silently.

“You know speaking of kinky,” she gives him a mischievous look. “It’s been a while…”

Kit knew that voice.

“Emilia,” he warned. “Here we go.”

“It’s a very hot night,” she emphasized every word as she began to unbutton her sweater. “I might as well take this off.” Kit was getting confused whether to look at her lips or her fingers. He then decided to look at her eyes instead but he began to realize that was a mistake. The look she gave him was nothing less than fiery lust. He felt his cock harden.

She continued her strip tease slowly taking off her sweater to reveal her cream colored bra. Then she took that off as well and began to play with her nipples while her sweet moans echoed in the screen.

“Fuck it,” Kit growled. He had grown painfully hard. He took off his boxers and started to pump his cock. “You’re unreal Emilia.”

As he tried to satisfy the fire that was building up inside him, he saw Emilia’s hand move down. Both of them moaned in pleasure as she began to finger herself.

“I want you so bad,” he said breathlessly.

“Just imagine that it’s my hand doing that to you and I’ll imagine that it’s your hand doing this to me.” She replied. “Just think about how I would’ve wanted to suck your cock and ride you till morning and I’ll think about how you would’ve wanted to eat my pussy until I screamed and pound me until all I could feel is your cock inside of me.”

The vivid pictures she painted in his head were working its way down to his groin. It was getting too much. “Emilia-” he moaned helplessly.

“Kitten-”

“I’m- I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna cum.”

“Yes. Yes! Cum for me Kit!”

He felt himself burst as he started seeing stars. On the other side of the screen, he heard her scream as well. This woman was unbelievable.

“The things you do to me,” he murmured to her as he lay in his bed coming down from his high.

She smiled at him and touched her fist to her heart. He did the same. This hand gesture had started while they were filming season 8. Talking about the ending for Jon and Daenerys out loud had not only become dangerous since an extra might hear them and spread it around but had also become emotionally painful to discuss. To not mess themselves up more, they decided the fist to the heart was enough. As the series ended, the hand gesture remained and had become a sign of devotion for both of them instead.

“Together,” she whispered in the screen. He picked up the reference immediately. That had been Dany’s last word before her death.

“Always,” he whispered back echoing Jon’s last word before he stabbed her.

Despite the constant chaos of the lives they chose to lead, Kit was certain those two words would forever remain their unchanging vow. He felt a sense of protectiveness envelope him. The world will not touch what they have. He won’t let it.

_Together always._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadly this is not in real time although I've added a bit of hints over Kit's new dog and haircut here and there. I'm planning to include a lot of it in my next chapter though! Also if you want an already written fic about that check out Same Old Patterns by the writer SeeSee2. Again, thank you for the support!


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